It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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