I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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