the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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