Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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