I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize