: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize