My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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