Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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