my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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