I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize