my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Terrible idea I love it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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