im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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