i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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