Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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