We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize