please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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