No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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