Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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