Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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