very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize