I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize