it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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