you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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