Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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