i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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