My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize