): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize