Can i not drive my cunt home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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