oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How naked do you want me to be?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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