Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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