trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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