So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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