If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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