I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize