Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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