i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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