The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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