You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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