Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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