it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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