I puked a lego.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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