Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no, he came in my armpit
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize