Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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