the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're like the curious george of whores
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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