I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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