i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize