38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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