we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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