Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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