She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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